Especially When You’re Capable of Changing Your Own Life
I spend so much time trusting God that it’s exhausting. Do this, do that, but not too much of this and not too much of that. Where does it end?
I’ve spent most of my life working through life’s struggles alone. I had people in my life, but I did everything alone because no one was on the same journey, or at least I didn’t surround myself with those who were. I made a way when there was no way, and I walked through doors that seemed meant for me. I never really waited on God. I made decisions along the way that made sense or ones that got me out of my situation fast.
I’ve always been the kind of person who will tolerate something once, and maybe a couple more times, but if it continues, that’s when you see me walking away. I’ve learned to walk away well.
Years forward.
Here I am, aligning myself with God’s Word daily. Perfect I am not, but there has never been a time in my life when alignment meant so much as it does now, and the effort matches that desire, at least on my best days. But in my flesh, time is of the essence.
God tells us to wait on His timing, so I wait.
One year.
Two years.
Three years.
Four years.
And now, five.
I mean, Moses waited forty years, Abraham waited twenty-five years, and Joseph waited thirteen years. Why is this waiting such a mandatory prerequisite? Did Moses, Abraham, and Joseph wait well? Because I know I’m not.
I’ve been patient when I wanted to walk out. I have held my tongue when I wanted to roll it out with logic and reasoning. My warning bell has rung over and over, but I don’t want to walk away because I want God to lead this time.
I am fully capable of changing my situation.
But that’s my door.
Where is God’s?
Why have things stalled when I have done everything I know to do?
Am I supposed to change it myself? Am I doing my part? Is He waiting on me?
I don’t know.
What I do know is that I have one foot out the door into an unseen place that I desire in my head, with my heart yelling, “No, Julie, wait on God.”
Sometimes I wish I could just pick up the Bible and read, “Go ahead, Julie. Do your thing, and I will change the course to make you happy now.”
But it’s nowhere to be found.
It’s just not there.
As I try to calm myself down and logically reason through the waiting like I always do, I decided to open my Bible. After all, that’s where my help comes from… right?
As I began to read about Moses, Abraham, and Joseph and their waiting process, it opened my eyes to many things. Were they just a bunch of ornery people messing up while waiting or did they wait in perfect peace? Did they also feel like they were going to crash and burn while waiting for God to fulfill the desires of their hearts?
To answer those questions, may I introduce you to three men who learned hard lessons about the waiting? Men whose traits looked a lot like mine and men who caused consequences that could have been avoided.
Let’s start with Reactive Moses.
When Moses saw injustice, he handled it himself rather than waiting on God. So Moses was shipped off to the wilderness and forced to trust God the hard way. He then spent the next forty years learning the difference between self-action and God-led action.
God wasn’t removing Moses’ leadership ability. He was teaching him restraint so that when it was time for him to lead, God could do through him what Moses could never do on his own. God’s results reach farther than anything we are capable of.
Years earlier, Moses had tried to defend one man in his own strength and ended up running for his life. After the wilderness, he stood between an entire nation and Pharaoh’s army and waited on God to move first. Moses lifted his staff, but God parted the sea. Waiting had taught him that obedience could accomplish what force never could.
Then there’s Controlling Abraham.
He believed God, but his problem was waiting. When the promise of a son took longer than they wanted, Abraham and Sarah came up with their own solution, but their solution created consequences they never intended. And the consequences of that choice would follow them for years.
Abraham’s lesson wasn’t whether God could fulfill His promise. It was whether Abraham could trust God enough to leave the process in God’s hands.
Abraham and Sarah decided God needed help, so Sarah gave her servant Hagar to Abraham to have the child in her place. It seemed practical. It also planted conflict that would outlast them both.
Now, what about Enduring Joseph?
This may be the one that surprises me most.
God gave him a dream. His own brothers, bowing down to him, submitting to him, the way you’d bow to a king. Then those same brothers threw him in a pit, and sold him as a slave.
If anyone had a reason to quit, it was Joseph.
It looked like Joseph was being taken farther away from the promise, when in fact, he was being prepared for it.
Years later, Joseph stood face to face with the same brothers who sold him. He had every reason to destroy them. Instead, he told them, ‘You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good.’ The one they threw away became the one who saved them – not because he found a way to forgive, but because he could see what God had been doing the entire time.
Then there’s me again.
I guess I just assumed they were better at these things because they were mentioned in the Bible and because God used them more than I feel He is using me.
So here I am thinking that I am failing or not measuring up because I am not waiting well, only to discover that God used people who were stubborn and quick to act like me.
Maybe this slow-motion tick-tock clock session isn’t pointless after all.
Maybe God is exposing within me things that need restraint and discipline before I am able to step into whatever comes next.
Waiting really is a mandatory prerequisite.
And perhaps that is why God allows these seasons to stretch longer than we would choose.
So when I feel like sounding the alarm because my circumstances make me feel like, “Do this, do that, but not too much of this and not too much of that,” I don’t need to see it as a big pile of punishment. I need to see it as preparation. I’ve always said, “We must be a good learner,” or we fall behind.
My favorite person in the Bible has been Esther for some time. She is so intriguing to me.
Maybe it is because Esther faced the kind of situation that would make most of us turn around and walk away. But she didn’t. She prepared, trusted, and moved forward despite what it looked like. She trusted God.
She reminds me of the woman I hope to become as I continue walking with God.
Sometimes God places us somewhere before He tells us what it is for.
So I too will wait.